Dad and Stoneybrook

My father is 88 years old and has vascular dementia. In August 2006, we moved him from Neskowin, OR, a small coastal resort town, to Stoneybrook Assisted Living in Corvallis, about 10 minutes away from me and Charlie. I felt as if we had kidnapped him, but he couldn't live on his own any longer. He's settled into Stoneybrook now and, while I can't say he's happy, he feels safe and doesn't like to be away from his place for very long. (A number of years ago he told my sister Margaret he'd never been happy and used a word I can't remember to describe himself. Isn't that sad?) Sometimes he thinks he's in hotel, sometimes he thinks he owns his apartment, and sometimes he tells us the Air Force placed him there on sick leave.

He has good weeks and bad weeks--the last one was a bad one. He was confused, not eating, sleeping all day and, we suspect, staying up all night. Today, when I brought him over for lunch, he seemed much better. He was sitting in a chair at the top of the steps waiting for me, in his old sweater and twead hat, looking very Robert Youngish. Dad is still a very good looking man--his girlfriend drives over from the coast once a month to visit. Dad thinks she comes to cut his hair. (Charlie wonders if that's a euphemism but I don't want to go there.) Sometimes he thinks she's my mother. (They'd been divorced for nearly 30 years but Dad has forgotten that and began calling her the year before she died and after he'd moved to Stoneybrook.) Yesterday I met Faye, a new resident at Stoneybrook who said she'd chosen Dad (and Kemp) as her tablemates. I'm not sure how long Faye will last at the table. Like Dad, Kemp's not fully engaged with reality and, though both are pleasant neither of them is much of a talker. Dad and Kemp have been having meals together for over a year and the staff tell me they never talk. They kid each other when they pass in the halls, though, and Dad calls him his friend. Charlie says Kemp comes by to watch him and Dad play pool and will cheer Dad on, but he won't join in. Still, it's a relationship of sorts and they may not be ready for Faye, who is something of a southern belle. But then Dad always liked the ladies (and they liked him).